Greetings.

We use them almost as often as we write our name. Some people are even desperate enough to use them on imaginary people (hint: Mr. Fong "hey, how's it going?").

There are many ways of greeting people.

If you want to be grouped with the socially awkward I recommend saying, "Greetings Homo sapiens." to everyone you see, especially with a lot of tone inflection when you're around cute boys and girls.

If you want to join the group of boys who are befuddled and don't even know why they say it, yet continue to do so, say "Hey, What's up" as it especially makes girls baffled and confused how to reply. Should "What's up?" be taken literally, so the reply would be something along the lines of "the ceiling", "the sky", "clouds", etc. Or should girls realize that boys would grow tired of being taken literally and that this is an invitation to spill all their problems and life story upon the unsuspecting questioner. Or, is the perplexing boy not even asking a question but rather declaring a statement of who-really-knows-what, yet that's what they mean. Some boys say that this is in fact, not a question and they don't really want an answer, yet they put it in question format – which leaves English conscious girls like me puzzled in how to respond to this juxtaposition. Does one answer with the "Good", "Hello", or the "your-just-saying-this-to-be-polite-and-don't-give-a-penny-what-is-up-with-me" mutterance. There are many other ways to answer this seemingly simple yet complex three word phrase/question/statement.

There's also the most embarrassing, yet happens frequently greeting. This is when you're walking down the hall and someone says, "Hi." And you respond, "Good!" and after 1.47 seconds you do a double take and realize that yes, you responded, but with the wrong reply. Hopefully, they've passed you by now, and can't see your crimson face.

Then, there are the less verbal greetings. Most commonly used at public schools is the "smile and wave" technique where one sees a friend, glues on a huge grin, and starts waving frantically like they've been shipwrecked. This is great - if no one else is around, otherwise, as I'm sure we all know from personal experience, the friend may be waving to their real friend - behind you. This is always exciting, as you return a smile and frenzied wave to someone who looks past you, or, even better yet, looks at you like you're the newest thing from outer space.

Lastly, there's the plain "Hi", "Hello", and "Hey" greetings. These have tremendous use in the world in which we live. We are so busy and health-conscious that to say anything more than a one-syllable greeting would risk laryngitis. These short salutations are just the thing in the hectic, technological yet environmentally-friendly world in which we live as you can even say it to your pet in such a loquacious way, "Hello, Kitty" .